Did your new boyfriend’s son say that too, or was his response more like “why’d you steal my girlfriend, dad?”

Green energy

Idk if it’s still true, but ads was the fastest growing division in Apple for several years. They make tens of billions (possibly hundreds of billions) in ad revenue every year.

…do you play the trumpet with your nose?

It’s okay though, they have a deal with the French.

Walter White in a diner, after Jesse Pinkman’s monologue.

Breaking: people with empathy affected by other people’s suffering.

Actually she is under my bed now.

When looking at the moon tarp you have to sign a waiver saying you are not Anish Kapoor and are not looking at it on behalf of Anish Kapoor.

But what’s the turtle on?

Honestly fried erasers sounds better than their normal fare.

It can be hard to distinguish deer from bears, but growing up in Africa I had to become good at animal identification.

A bear? With that tail?

This is clearly a deer.

Don’t forget how when it’s an absolutely perfect day to actually be outside there will always be someone who says “we need to sit inside, I’m freezing!” Then you look at them and they’re wearing the legal minimum that can be considered “clothes”

Ultra-ultraviolet? You mean Röntgen rays?

So many buttons and knobs! This would be so much simpler with just a single touch screen!

50 cent, or as they call him in the UK, 38p

If your life is hard for more than 4 hours, consult a doctor.

Lol jk that’s too expensive.

This is a better analogy than you may have intended given that the saw isn’t going to do anything to the tracks.

Why does this look AI generated?