• Sing sea shanties*

^* Any attempt to sing Wellerman will result in keelhauling and any compatible humiliating acts of torturous execution^

I have this weird feeling that all this does is make you recognizable as someone else.

Some of those who work delis

Are the same that throw smellies

The arrow on the y axis implies that there something beyond meth that does even better… 🤔

sigh… Fine! I’ll buy your damn insurance. But I’m only getting the state minimums! And don’t even try pushing that roadside assistance again!

Yes.

Do calzones next!

🦡 🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🍄🍄

Cat: “You serve me. Do I make myself clear?”

Wife: “You’ve been in that shower for almost three hours! The fuck are you doing in there!?!”

This guy: “Nuttin’”

The hex bug doesn’t stand a chance and it knows it. It’s already trying to find the exit.

Slowly dehydrating and shrinking over time while sitting listlessly in the cold…

…laughed at and mocked by passers by…

…eventually to have your aged, mutilated carcass dragged into the street and mercilessly consumed by the neighborhood deer…

Something I learned a long time ago: I should never, no matter the circumstances, be trusted with large sums of money.

I once came into a substantial amount of money via an insurance settlement. Did I invest it? Pay off debts? Create a rainy day fund? HA! Gambling, drugs, hookers, drugs for the hookers…I lived like Caligula for almost two years. Debauchery was my middle name. And if I ever came into money like that again, I’d do the exact same thing, because it was fucking awesome!

This little thing of people getting Illuminati invites is giving me an idea for a movie…

So in my movie, a group of dudes decide to start calling themselves The Illuminati, just for the fuck of it. It’s just a name after all, and they don’t really do anything but get together and drink or fish or just do dude stuff. They make a little Facebook page for their Illuminati group that’s just pictures of them having fun.

But then they start getting contacted by world governments asking them to do like really high level stuff. Like, one country wants them to engineer a famine in a rival country, another needs them to help them cover up a UFO crash near a small town. Any they don’t know how to do any of this shit. James is an electrician. Edward teaches eighth grade Spanish. The hell do they know about being a shadow government? So now, they have to figure out how to do all this stuff while still making it look like they’re just some happy weed smoking dudes who like to hang out and have fun together.

Right? Expose your baby to quality music, like Lorna Shore.

Anyone reading this play in a punk band? Cause I just found your next album cover.

All gather and stand in awe at the majesty of the mustard tiddy!

Best. Day. Ever.